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poetry by lou sid linesman - on life, love & politics
Thursday, April 20, 2006
A Match Made In Heaven
And Acheron said:
On that day
When you remember
How I passed,
Don’t follow me...
To the Sea
Of Souls...
Not yet...
But
Stay awhile
And walk toward
My source...
And cross the bridge
To a place
Which lies
Between two worlds...
Where you can meet
The One you lost...
In a Garden
Free of shame...
Where true Love
Springs...
And All new life begins
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Hold The Dream
I slew a phantom last night,
The one that was lurking,
Monstering my mind...
Why am I respecting feelings
Where feelings never had respect for liberty?
Why respect a contract signed with a knife
Pressed to the heart of pregnant emotionality?
Why bow to tarnished gold
The unidentical twin
Unworn for years,
Just pure idolatry...
If drawn up in the ink of Love,
Then let the ideal divide...
And then run on...
But I want no strings,
No dealings with some notion I let hi-jack me,
If love must go slay falsity,
If love must be cruel,
Let it be cruel to all,
I know my responsibilities,
I hug them close to me,
I respect the mother
But the hood’s long banished...
Into eternity...
Public mistakes require the full admission,
So let paper cancel paper,
But let Love stay free
To choose its own dear Authority...
As maybe!...
’Cause this ring on my finger
Just became...
A fantasy...
They say there’s lots of fish out there
But I am a fish...and slippery...and just longing
To return to the smoothest sweetest touch of the mighty sea...
The age of Aquarius?
Overdue they say...
Whenever will it be?...
So there It is,
I have no silver
I have no gold...
It can’t be bought
It can’t be sold...
Our Dream’s
The One and Only thing
I Have...
For Us...
To Hold
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Please Don’t Reject Me
I feel so low...
So cheap...
So empty...
What am I putting you through
So worried I’ll never make your dreams come true
So ashamed at how much I need you
You see, there’s times when I’ve got nothing to give too,
Except be with you
I so need to talk things through
I know my self-expression is so cruel to you
But I can’t face another
Angry rejection from you
Please
I need this recurring nightmare to end
Somehow I can never believe it when
You say you want me
When you say I’ve done right
I just seem to want to go deeper
And push you till you fail
And it hurts me too
I want us to accept each other
For what we are
But still say what’s true
We’re both too sensitive
To do this by remote control
I’m trying to do right
But sometimes everything just falls down
Unless we’re together I can never be sensitive enough
To make the path a bit more steady a bit more smooth
Please don’t reject me again
I don’t really want to fail
Even though it may look like I’m asking to
Even though I know we have to
But we need to do it in smaller ways
And more often
And the same will go for the success too
I know I keep pushing you over the edge
Because I always end up going over with you
Please let’s take some time out together
Celebrate what we’ve achieved
Instead of punishing each other each time we fail
There’s really nothing more I can do
Except put my arms round you
I’m so cut up over you
When I’m on the spot
You’ll be surprised at what I can do
Please don’t reject me again
It hurts me as much as it hurts you
If it’s got to hurt
Can’t we hurt together?
Please don’t reject me again Baby
I so need to be with you
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Untitled
I want to give you...
The most beautiful thing...
Can’t be
A piece of paper...
Or a ring...
Just want to give you...
Everything
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Together
Thank you for that postcard
Hard work, heat, love, good food and reality,
That’s music...
If my loved ones end up getting taken
Someplace like that...
Out of money...
But out of the storm...
I’ll not be arguing...
I’ve considered it too...
Though I feel my destiny might
Well remain behind...
At the frontline...
What about you?
I’m sure you can make even this raw cold deal
Look beautiful...
So thanks...
I found it there for me...
Right on time...
I’d just tried to call you...
You weren’t in...
I was low...
You can be very thoughtful you know...
I’m so slow...
Didn’t read it’s meaning ’til today
But got the subliminal solarity anyway!
Bet you thought the sun had gone to my head...
Hope you took it in good stead...
And this is why I so love the woman who sent
That souvenir to me...
Even though she can be as tricky
As tricky as ever tricky could be!...
’Cause when I give it my very best shot
She’s always got the simplest
Sweetest answer ready for me...
The trouble’s now, of course,
I want to hold that woman all the more,
Yet cannot contact her at all...
Torn again...
So if I say...“I’m really screwin”...
You’ve got the picture painted
Right and bright across your wall...
And
If you truly want me to leave well alone
You know you’ll have to say it
When looking me right in the eye,
And I think you know why...
Because,
This is how I see it:...
Our first love grew from one thing,
From two people being together...
Nothing else...
All right...
So our bad emotional debts
Drew us close in sympathy’s sorrow,
Made us both aware of Love...and of each other,
Then pushed us apart in angry disgust...
But what we had always loved...
Was just...
Being
Together...
Nothing else...
Just that was something to look forward to...
Every day...
That’s what made us fall in love...
Nothing else...
Just knowing I could make you smile
With my silly lines...
A garden where you just want
To make things grow...
A bottle of cider, a violin,
An attache case with just sandwiches in,
A fantasy about a ring...
A hidden story that had to come out...
“You know what Lou just said,
I don’t know why he came and told me first”
A purple dress, a long white skirt,
Big fork, big knife, big heart
That’s how you spell the character I love...
Who’s that Lady?
She’s pure gold...
She does it for me...every time...
You think: corduroy trousers, but some dress sense
Wouldn’t hurt!
Bio or non-bio?...
That is the question
That tip still makes me think of you...
Snuggling to a boyfriend in the pub...
How I wished it were me...
Everything in a mess...
Everything just so...
Who was who?
Search me...
Headaches still?
Come here Baby let me stroke it now...
Don’t worry, everything’s gonna be all right...
And when we were so cruelly split
That place held nothing for me,
The Soldieress who passed, used to come call
For me, had to drag me from bed,
Because
Without you...that place was empty...
Sometimes you just can’t help it...
Wanting to love someone...
You know it’s a unique possibility...
Even when you’ve not that love to give...
Not big enough to handle it...
And it dies...
But it was only lies
That ever stopped it growing again...
No, not lying to each other,
Because you can never lie to your Lover...
Your Lover knows all...
The lie is to oneself...
When I see myself Good but I am Bad...
The biggest lie of this fucked up land...
And Love is the test
Which never fails to find the fault
Because we have to try to give that Love
And recognise Love to accept that Love,
And the Bad can never admit they’ve nothing there
And so will always put the blame elsewhere,
They’ll never learn to make the love
They claim they have already got...
But have not...
The slightest inkling of...
Better to know what’s wrong
And put it right, then move on strong,
So all I want is for us to be
Together
Where it happens
Where we can be
In Love
Face the Truth we once so feared...
And practice love again...
Maybe fail...
Learn...
Try again...
Maybe succeed...
And grow...
And then fail...
And then try to love again
................And again...
........And again...and again...
And again...and again...and again...
........And again...and again...
And again...and again...and again...
........And again...and again...
And again...and again...and again...
........And again...and again...
................And again...
................And again...
................And again...
................And again...
................And again...
Every day...
Constant renewal necessary...
Enough theory...
Only one way to see if it can work...
What?!
Question: Do I want to come back for more?!
Question: Does someone I know have more front than
A mid-Atlantic weather system?!
Tick, tick,
No decision there darling!
Where do I sign?!
Hang on, maybe it could get comfortable and boring?
I’ll take that risk!
Am I going crazy?
Sorry, I’m not qualified to make an assessment!
What’s the answer?
If I find out I’ll let you know!
Just know there’s two hearts
Waiting to find a...
Waiting to go back...
Waiting to set up...their true, true...home...
Don’t worry,
Everything’s gonna be all right...
When we’re...
Together!
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Wherever
Wherever would look beautiful
When seen through your exquisite eyes,
Wherever would look beautiful
When your radiance all intensifies,
So choose
Wherever you feel your spiritual home
To truly be...
Though if you ask me...
The splendours of China
Would have to compliment your grace,
The greenest fields of Ireland
Wouldn't let your charm stand out of place,
The vibrancy of Africa
Would sweat to beat the rhythm of your thrilling pace,
And the deepest turquoise aquaria of the Carribean Sea,
Might just match your elegance and your sheer profundity...
But could never wash
Your stunning solar face,
Nor mould a curving coastline
Into the flamboyance of a figure
Fit-to-make-any-man's-heart-race,
And what about the strangest island
Where the both of us were born,
At different parts of the same wave
In the same storm,
I'd take one look and just say..."seen"...
'Cos To me...
You're Queen!
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Maybe Not
Is it a lie?...
When the dry and sunless growth
Of yellowed emotions long untended
Cannot reach the promise of our words?
Or should we simply shake the dust away
And call it our first try?...
And term it a mistake?...
When we’ve matured enough
To love the truth...
Then it’s a lie...
But not before...
That Wednesday I first dared to say
“I love you”,
I so wanted it to come out true
But felt those words just die at birth...
And you knew it too...
No...you weren’t blind...
You’d found It just like me...
It soared and swooped
With more artistry than
A Ghanaian woman’s melody...
But we were weak and tempted
And growing all wrong...
That was why we fought
To silence each the other’s empty tuneless song,
We’d heard the music once and wanted it on again...
But shrunk to pay that unwavering price
In a currency we hadn’t learned to coin back then...
We did not have the strength of sun,
The selfless tears of rain,
The quality, the softness of the soil
To nurture and sustain
That one-time tendril Love...
So you’ve had to be alone,
Lovelorn...
You’ve had to grieve that loss...
And just maybe you will need more time
To let the landscape
Settle to match the mapping of your mind...
And my sweetest Baby
Just listen to this and listen to it good:...
I’ll only ever be looking the fool
On the day I give up
The most beautiful bloom I ever knew...
You...
But that testing Love it had to die,
To burn along with mine...
And how the flames burst up
And the sparks did fly...
And now the ground’s enriched
With all of our experience
And primed to bear a better riper fruit...
Believe you me,
This country boy knows
The intricate dancing-steps of nature’s way
As sure as our dreams by night
Will press together
Fermenting those berries we’ve gathered
By loving light of day
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Romantic In Autumn
I called You in Midwinter
Missing your warmth...
You were not there...
Only Your cold cold impersonator...
I called to You in Spring
After so many Springs
A Lover with no Lover’s hand to hold...
You were not there...
I’ve sent no rose...
You have it there already...
From time...
Growing in my heart...
I’ve vainly sought the joyful passion
In a life of Summers...
Without You...
But my mind has now slowed to still,
So I’ll painfully wind, wind on to Autumn,
The season with the richest, most expensive mood,
Where a pillar of smoke streams straight
From village back-streets
Into the clear clear silence of the bitter late-afternoon sky,
Where city workers with a melancholy eye
May sigh to leave
The lamp-lit office for the closing of the night,
In Autumn,
My Homeland,
And...I fear...Yours,
The Romantics’ deepest meeting place,
One thought allowed:...longing for Spring...
And I’ll ease up over its bridge
Hoping to find You standing
On the life-ward side of your decision...
Just needing desperately to know that You are there,
That You’re alive...
For if You choose again
The sealed-up Winter
Of Your stark unwindowed cell,
And if someone ever
Your constant gaoler has to be
Without a key,
Let it be me...
Let me take that terrible
So terrible responsibility...
Who else would commit...to that task...
With Love’s utter totality?...
Who else would care enough
To carry it out thoroughly?...
Let me be the one who must
Remind You of the glory of the sun,
Let me bring each day
My ration-bowl of liquid light
For You...
And when at last You decide
To break out into the Bright,
To set yourself entirely free,
Please please please just please
Let me hope to remember
Why...
And how I can ever, can ever again
Feel happy at my liberty...
But I’ll do it...
I’ll take that position
And I’ll do anything...
For You...
And I’ll be there eternally...
For you...
And I’d do it all again from the day
When we set out so far back down the way,
Because I so Trust in Our Love...
I Trust it so implicitly...
And I’ll look for You...
Always...
And I’ll wait for You...
Always...
And I’ll Love You...
Always...
For whether Dark
Is held in Light’s embrace
Or Light is in the clasp of Dark
It matters absolutely not...
For those two worlds they hold no race...
When we stand...alone...
On Our own bespoken bridge
In the deep of the sky...
Just You and I...
When All is One...
And We are One...
At One with All
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Light In The Dark
My Dearest,
Your vision’s so near
It’s got grip over me...
Reflecting my expression
In those images you’ve sharpened up
On clear-cut ambiguity,
Yes...
What burns in the sky
Is the fearsome might of Truth on fire
As it casts on the land
The deepest shadow of Beauty’s spire,
Exposed precipitous into our sight,
A Dark which masquerades as Light,
Deceiving the eye so to slip into mind
As the slick saboteur of sweet Humankind,
An Evil provoked to eternal revenge,
With swooping Storm and wrathful drive...
Which we many of us may not chance to survive...
But do You remember the dreading treading
Down in ankle-deep of snow?...
And how You then so bravely saw it out
Until the licensed ecstasy of summer’s letting go?...
Well now, my Dove, don’t fear to take the steps
That choose to shelter in the furnace-fervour
Of the bright illuminated place
Wherein your brimful Beauty’s free
To flourish brash and unashamed,
Where I can gladly stand my Love to defend
So that even my dying won’t bring it to end,
Where the sense of the stream of the future flows,
Where common-do lives can be
Improvised with careless flair,
Where even twilight’s final rays transgress
The spatial panes of liquid glass
To warm the spirit aware in the air,
Where sunset forms no scene of sad symbolic doom
But merely sighs at nature’s exhalation of the day...
Because,
Tho’ Death will us for ever and more unite,
What meaning has Love that’s never once
Breathed the rushing oxygen of Life?
So don’t stick out the Hate of the stare
Where your Beauty’s flare
Is forced beneath the smothering covering
Leaf of a glossy guilt-plate,
Don’t wait until the time’s too late
And the awful boom of encroaching Evil’s
Raging thunder cracks and breaks...
For fall what may,
My story’s joy will surely come complete
If our eyes converse then glint
And bid our smiling lips to meet,
For my soul’s desire at the mellowing end of all my days
Is simply put no more no less than this:...
To be with You...
And to feel with You...
And just nightly to
Curl up in Love with You
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Not On-Line
I'm not on-line, Baby,
This really is not easy,
I mean that literally,
I can't play this hide and seek
I'm not seeing your response until too late
You've got to talk to me good and straight
You know how I respect that,
I've been as scared as you Baby,
But this doesn't need to be,
This is wrong,
There must be a misunderstanding,
But you won't let us sort it out,
Your setting me a task
That you're not allowing me the chance to complete,
I'm not perfect, never will be,
But I want to improve,
Without communication that's an impossibility.
I need your blunt critique
But I need to know where to look for it,
You're setting me up to fail, my sweet,
Your written-pain was only seen by me earlier this week,
I tried to lighten things
I want also to talk serious to you
Am I right to think you've lost your parents?
You don't think I want to talk about it to you?
Of course I do, I'm very sorry to hear,
I'd love to have met your Mum
And I well liked your Dad, a real character, real fun,
I'm not sure: what is you, what is not,
When wrote and what it's answering to,
I'm so confused about everything,
I've been talking into space for weeks,
I don't know which way is up,
I've tried every angle,
Genuinely, sincerely,
If you don't think so tell me so, but straight,
Not by throwing a message-bottle in the sea,
I'm just stupid, stupid me,
I've tried to make you laugh and I have failed,
I can't always hit the mark
Especially if you don't guide me
And then blindfold me,
I've tried to make some sense of you and me,
You don't realize how that rhyme hurt me,
I've got feelings too,
When I read what had come out,
I knew it would hurt you,
But I had to do it - for you,
It was true,
I know I am insensitive, but not always wrong,
It's how I am
I can't change it all in one go
Nor can you
I've gone naked before you
And you're laughing at me,
I'm trying with sincerity,
Trying to love you so so badly,
Trying everything to find the key
But you think I'm trying to win some game,
Well you're so wrong
If you lose, I lose too,
It's win-win or nothing for me
What's good for you is good for me
I can't get it right every time
I'm Human
Isn't that what we want to be?
Not to mention happy,
I don't want to be perfect
Just try to do better
That's why I fail,
And then learn to succeed
But you just want me to fail
By making love an impossibility.
You're scared to find out if I'm Human,
You don't want to know what
I've felt over all this time
But I'm sure it's been the same, we're locked-in,
You think I haven't been through hell
I have, especially in those early times,
But it's not a competition
Except with oneself,
Just a fact.
So you're not perfect,
Well I couldn't give a hoot,
The bad the good the ugly the beautiful the naughty the nice,
I'd never put anything past you.... or me
So what?
The more mistakes you make the more you learn.
So you didn't find it funny,
Well you might have once when you were fun,
At least I've tried to do everything for you and me
Have you?
Baby you tell me I'm wrong, but do not give an explanation,
Why?
You don't want me to improve
’Cos you’re scared to yourself,
I want to make a mistake
With you every day until I die
And learn something everyday too. Don't you?
On that decisive day, I should have told you you were wrong,
But my prediction turned out right
'Cos I was a racist like them too,
So here's the truth today now I'm grown up:
You don't want someone to love
You want somebody to hate instead of you...and that person's me,
You're trying to block any chance of synchronicity, love
And happiness
Shame on you
I'd just have ended up so blue
Had I not explained all this to you.
The only competition's with oneself,
But there's so much we could show each other.
This site we're in is just so unfree so restrictive,
Please Baby,
You've never actually given me a chance,
Nor yourself too.
Flick the switch, you're in the wrong
Please call me if/when you want to talk
I love you
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Mmm
Mmm...I'm getting so irascible these last few days...
Can't put my finger on exactly why...
Mmm...maybe I should go consult an expert?...
Shame...can't think of one offhand!
Mmm...maybe it's because I'm trying to give up smoking?...
Yes, nasty habit I picked up years back
When under a teency-weency bit of stress!...
Not that I'm blaming anyone of course!...
Mmm...maybe I need a cigarette-substitute?!...
Have to see what I can find...
Mmm...I wonder what an expert would suggest?...
Shame...don't know one...
Mmm...Whatever should I try?!...
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
One-Off Recipe
It’s like a recipe that’s given one line at a time...
You complete one instruction before getting the next...
And only one person will ever find the dish’s taste appealing...
Baby, I just don’t know where this feeling came from...
Or who lit it...
Or who’s gently blowing it into a small fire...
It’s as if it’s not me and it’s not you...
We’re collecting the wood...
Cutting it up...
Laying it on the fire...
But where did the flames come from?
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Special Delivery!
Friend!
Have I got news for you!
I’ve got some friends, I know their hue,
They’re very good and very, very true!
And amongst their number (very few)
I cannot say I’ve ever happened to find you!
I thank the planet earth for them
And, if I ever get to meet that Him (or is it Her?!),
I’ll most heartily thank the Lord Almighty too!
Because they’re priceless...
Just like you!!
Our dear departed Mutual did once say
That you considered me a friend...
Well!
I very nearly fell right over and turned blue!
Friend indeed!
I don’t remember that old master
Ever hanging in the gallery!
Certainly not signed by me and you!
Must have been some forgery!
Perhaps an empty frame!
Or just an extra layer of paint
Concealing your real view!
I wouldn’t even bother trying that one on for size,
Not even if brand spanking new!
I’ll pass on that one...
If it’s quite all right by you!
Friend!
Look at what I’ve gone and let you put me through!
Not what any friend of mine would ever do!
If you’re a friend, there must be loads
Of birthday cards gone and got lost in the post too!
And I’m skint now...brassick to you!
So a friend would take me out
And buy me a drink or two!
But hang on...
No way!
I’ll reserve my manly prerogative to buy at least one
For you!
Friend!!
Well kiss my lilywhite you-know-where!
I do believe the wedding present went missing too!
Although somehow I think I forgot
To invite you to the do!
Phew! Good job too!
They would have heard your explosion out in Timbuktu!
If you’re a friend, how come you were never there
For me to come a crying to?!
There again,
I suppose I was generally
Bawling my eyes out over you!
No! You’re no friend!...of mine!
Nor enemy!...
If it has to be attested to!
So what are you?!...
To me?!...
You, you, you... you’re just something else!...
You!
So whatever can all this pique be a winding up to?!...
Oh, OK!...
I can recollect when we were once a natural team...
You might’ve picked me...and I sure know I picked you!
But I’ll swear it was some
Strong strange sticky kind of supernatural glue!
But friendly?!
Us two?!
More like a replay of WW2!
But your mates...
They got the very best...
Friend that they ever ever knew...
For your friendship’s
Of the finest and most special kind...
C’est du premier grand cru...
(Go fetch a bucket quick if you now feel the need to spew!)
And...
Boy! I'm really going to be in the most deep and dire of doudou!
But...
Friend!
No thank you!
I’d rather get acquainted with your whip
And feel the point of your stiletto shoe!
Because you see
No friend could ever charge me up
The way you manage to!
And if I had a thousand thousand of the finest
Diamond-star-pure friends,
I know they’d never add up to anything
Near the likes of you!
Not within a million light-years of your
Double-infinite calorific value!
Nor could they give me that fantastic
Stimulating cosmic spark
Which I never fail to get off you!
Ouch...ouch...ouch...ouch...and...oooooh!...
You’re just beyond!...
Belief!...
What more can this poor fella say or do?!...
Non! Madame! Merci beaucoup!...
Comprenez-vous?!
I don’t ever want to have you as a friend!
I’d sooner risk it all and get the big old elbow too!
Because...
If there’s the slimmest slightest chance
Of getting this relationship
Out of this ultra-zany stew...
I want so bad to get my hands on all of you!!!
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
