Links
Archives
poetry by lou sid linesman - on life, love & politics
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Sorrow
It’s still in there...
That small but living sorrow for the list of years
It’s taken to turn round and face my fears...
I need to grieve for our lost time and our missed happiness...
This disrespect I’ve shown for such a one-off gift, our Love,
Just makes me feel...
So sorry...
For the hurt I’ve caused you through my own self-harm...
And today it counts because I’m under no attack,
Not down and desperate like that day before
When I so needed you right here with me...
But today I have no reason to feel bad...
Yet in some awful and uneasy way I do...
And I’m taking full account and feeling the totality...
And I’m sorry...
That I did not find the courage to grow up
And start to make it good for you and me
When we were young...
Though not sorry that I laid on you the stringent truth,
But that I made a present of it
Wrapped in poison-painted paper
Fresh-recycled from the bible of my own self-hatred...
So you were scared to check inside
And gained no good from all your solitary suffering...
Even in these last few days...
But I dearly hope I’ve hit the right note here
And you can hear a melody that’s bittersweet and clear
Without my raucous negativity
Which always brought you extra fear...
I feel sorry...
Because
I value what we had
And now it’s gone...
And today I know
This sorrow is essential...
If I’m ever to move on...
To soften the position of my heart
So it can make that gentle shift...
Adjust in time, in mood...
To match the stepping of another...
And look into a pair of lovely
Sad and solemn sultry pear-drop eyes...
Like yours...
And melt...
Into
One
© Lou Sid Linesman, 2006. All Rights Reserved.
